I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
