I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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