The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The adults are the big ones right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
