Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
