You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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