i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
