She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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