Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
