i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
