y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
