I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
