i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
