I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
