i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
