**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
