I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
