just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
