even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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