I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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