he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
