we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
