Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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