So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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