Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
