why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
