Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
