why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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