Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
