Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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