I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
