WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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