this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
