I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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