my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
