If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
