are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
