WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
