I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
