Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
