Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
