Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
