i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
