we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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