My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
