OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
