If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
