he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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