need another drink. this is the easiest way
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
