You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
