i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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