I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
